BYU: You didn't used to be cool man.

I did not always think that. In fact, I found it to be a rather uncool and uncomfortable institution. The campus was constantly marred by construction projects and crowds between classes. I'm pretty sure that I would have been more comfortable doing 20 to life in Folsom than 90 minutes in the MARB. Of course, there were good parts. It was academically challenging. Some of my professors were truly great. My particular favorites were Fred Williams, Kit Lund, and Stan Taylor. But this doesn't make it cool as an institution.

That said, my opinion changed slightly this week. I got an email from my cousin John. He is one of the most fascinating people I know and possesses a bit of a wandering spirit. For 15 years he has only had 3 credits to complete to graduate. This week he called BYU to see about finishing. After explaining his situation, the person on the other end of the phone said: "Oh, we sent you a letter four years ago but it came back. We changed our policy. You're done. Would you like to graduate in June or in August?"

Cool... but not that cool? Let me provide some context. My father left Cal State Long Beach in the 1970's with 3 credits to go. Encouraged by Steven Spielberg's return to the same institution (and the fact that his employer would pay tuition), my father determined to go back to school. The first thing he learned was that after 10 years, your credits expire and you have to either do it over or have your credits recertified by the particular department. It took him 2 years to get to the point where he could finally start taking classes. In one case, a head of department refused to recertify his credits. What did he do? He waited until the guy was replaced and went to the new guy. It then took him another 2 years to complete the coursework. He finally graduated 40 years after he started college. The fact of the graduation was cool, but the institution was decidedly uncool.

Did Mr. Spielberg have to go through the red tape? Of course not. They gave him credit for his work experience. (They refused to do this for my father even though he presented ample evidence.) That's right, Schindler's List was considered one of his student projects. Of course in some ways it was a typical student project. With a budget of $25 million, box office receipts of $317 million worldwide, and 7 Academy Awards it was obviously just a learning experience. Let's just hope he does better in the real world.

Malcolm McDowell frightens me

Malcolm McDowell is undoubtedly a highly talented actor. He has worked with such acclaimed directors as Stanley Kubrick and Robert Altman. He currently appears in a show on the peacock network about people who possess special powers and do heroic things. The name of the show escapes me.

You'd think that seeing him in person would be an exciting, even pleasant experience. Surprisingly, it was rather disturbing. In August of 2002, I went with my father, my friend Brandt, and his father Jon to the Monterey car weekend. Friday was the Concorso Italiano in Carmel and we went to see more Ferraris, Lamborghinis, and de Tamasos than you can shake a sizable stick at. While walking along in the beautiful sunshine viewing a selection of Ferraris my friend Brandt elbowed me. "Do you know who that is? It's Malcolm McDowell!" He pointed to an elderly gentleman. It was indeed the actor. He was appearing in a revival of Fantasy Island so everyone knew who he was. He was sort of odd-looking. He had spiky white hair. His feet were shod in bright red Nikes. He wore shorts much shorter than any man over 60 has a right to wear.

My friend Brandt was much more impressed than I. (The next day we saw Phil Hill. Can you believe it? Phil Hill!) We moved on to view more fine automobiles. After a few minutes, I turned to my right and saw Malcolm McDowell again. Standing right next to me! This was a bit shocking but I quickly recovered and we continued. A few minutes later, it happened again. A few more minutes passed and he appeared next to us again! At this point I became concerned. Is he following us? What does he want? Why is he wearing those shorts? I don't believe in coincidences so I decided something must be done. We altered our route and lost him in a crowd. I cannot say what would have happened without this evasive action, but I prefer not to imagine the possibilities.

While most of us can say that we have stalked a celebrity, few can say that they were stalked by a celebrity. Fewer still can say it was Malcolm McDowell.

Why?!

Why did I decide to start a blog? Well, to be honest I have real work to do that is boring me to sobs and I cannot find any more distractions. I have been thinking about it for a long time because I spend way too much time just thinking. I carefully considered the probability that I would make a valuable contribution to society versus the probability that I would not just be wasting time and bandwidth but actually hastening the destruction of mankind. And ... I went ahead anyway.

What do I hope to get out of this new endeavor? Nothing. What do I hope you get out of this? Slightly more. How do I plan to achieve this goal? Well, in my daily life I seem to act natural and serious and people laugh hysterically. Case in point: I was teaching a Sunday School class last week and I made a comment about my long-deceased great, great, great grandfather leaving the old country. The whole room erupted in laughter. At first I thought everyone else had some sort of mental illness. I searched the DSM-IV-TR but could find no disorder whose only symptom is inappropriate laughter. While I haven't ruled out everyone else being crazy, I think it might be something about me. We shall see. If you know of any such malady, post a comment.