Tijuana, I never want to see you again

I was extorted by one of Tijuana's finest last week. Friday night I went to Baja with my friends Brandt and Nick. They needed to prerun for the Baja 1000 and I went to help them out. I will not be racing. (This is one area in which I do not exhibit the Dunning-Kruger Effect.) As we passed through Tijuana where the traffic is always slow, it suddenly got even slower. We saw flashing lights ahead and we assumed it was an accident. As we inched closer, I saw it was a roadblock of some sort. When we arrived, a police officer waved us to the side. I, rather naively, assumed it was to check for drunks. The true purpose was to shake down Americans.

The police officer approached the car and asked for our IDs and checked the drink holders to see that there were no open containers of alcohol in the car. He handed back the passengers' IDs but kept the driver's. He then announced that we had been speeding and that we had been caught. This was a curious claim because the flow of traffic was well under the speed limit. That is not to say speeding was impossible, but it would have required inconveniently ramming of the car in front of us.

When we questioned exactly where this speed camera was, the officer got very defensive. He said that he would have to ticket us and hold the driver's license until the following Wednesday. That was the only option he presented. It would be impossible for my friend Nick to come back for it as he would be in New Hampshire. After a few minutes of haggling we appeared to be at an impasse. The officer then came up with a solution: you can pay the fine right now! What a brilliant idea!

We got the message. We asked how much the "fine" was. He unfolded a piece of paper from his pocket and demonstrated a fine of $150. This was outrageous. I have never heard of a cop getting more than $40 as a "fine" for a similar "violation." He would not not negotiate. We eventually paid the whole $150. We asked for paperwork and he replied: "No, because I say so."

This officer did this right on the side of the road in plain view of all of his colleagues. He had no fear or shame for simply shaking down "rich" Americans. This fits the classic definition of extortion:

1. The offense committed by a public official who illegally obtains property under the color of office; esp., an official's collection of an unlawful fee.
2. The act or practice of obtaining something or compelling some action by illegal means, as by force or coercion. (Black's Law Dictionary)

I never want to go to Tijuana again. Next time, we'll use the Tecate or Mexicali crossing. Yes, we will go many miles out of the way just to avoid that putrid city and its uniformed extortionists. If you go to Mexico, educate yourself here and here.

Dunning-Kruger Effect

There is no better job than a college professor these days. They work very little and get paid 6 figures for it. Teaching load is 1/3 less than it was 20 years ago and acceptable office hours are 9am-10am on the first and third Wednesday of each month but only if those particular days fall on a new moon.

So what do professors do all day? They perform experiments on graduate students and identify things like the Dunnning-Kruger Effect. The effect was found as part of a continuing effort to identify and name all of my personality defects. What is the Dunnning-Kruger Effect? It is the phenomenon that people who don't know anything, can't even figure out that basic fact about themselves. Justin Kruger and David Dunning (both of Cornell) won an Ignobel Award for this research in 2000. Here is the full report.

How did they find this effect? They administered test to graduate students on humor, logical reasoning, and grammar. They then asked the subjects how they did and compared the self-assessment to their actual performance. They also had the subjects grade each other. What did they find? The people who did poorly on the test thought they did very well and didn't recognize those who really did well.

The researchers summed up the people they are talking about:
We argue that when people are incompetent in the strategies they adopt to achieve success and satisfaction, they suffer a dual burden: Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it. Instead, like Mr. Wheeler (a bank robber who believed that smearing lemon juice on his face would render him invisible to security cameras), they are left with the mistaken impression that they are doing just fine.

Here are a few examples of this that we all observe:
- The first few episodes of American Idol.

- Very often the fellow behind you at a sporting even. He (it's very rarely a she) compares the abilities of the performing player to himself or, even more derisively, his grandmother.

- People who write blogs believing that they are somehow contributing to society and culture. In reality, they are hasting the downfall of America and assisting the rise of Canada. Let me be the first to congratulate our maple leafed overlords!

- Those who disparage the careers of others while having no hope of ever achieving such a position. See paragraph 1 above.

I Officially Have No Personality

I took an online personality test and found out I have very little personality. My highest ranking in any category is 37% and that was neuroticism. See my results for yourself:

I'm a O20-C25-E1-A27-N37 Big Five!!

Small World, Even Smaller Blogosphere

The blogosphere is an amazing place. It is a place where thousands, perhaps millions of people post ideas and photos of things that wouldn't, and probably shouldn't, be remembered in the first place. While it is composed of the creations of many humans, the blogosphere is entirely devoid of life. I often find myself going from blog to blog reading what other people have to say. Sometimes I am amazed by people's insights. Most of the time the posts have more than five sentences and I just move on.

The other day I clicked on a link and started to scroll down when I saw a familiar face. I scrolled down some more and found two more people I recognized.

Its funny who you run into on the "internet." The second photo down is my nephew. Yes, the one captioned "Little boyfriend #1." The seventh photo down is my other nephew and my older sister. I know what you are thinking and let me assure you that neither of us is adopted and we are full-blood siblings.

What I learned from Mamma Mia

In a tragically common lapse in judgment I went to Mamma Mia on Wednesday night. I would rank going as the second stupidest thing I have ever done. Staying would be the third stupidest thing. (For those of you who are curious, you may ask me about the stupidest thing I have ever done, but it will be a very awkward conversation.)

For those of you who don't know, Mama Mia is a Broadway musical based on the music of the Swedish disco group Abba. When your concept starts with scoring a play from a bunch of halfway decent songs by a group that only made one decent song, you have problems. What is the result? Not good. They sang Dancing Queen not once...not twice...but thrice! (I don't know why they didn't include Disco Inferno. I like that one much better.) They attempted to fit a story in there but it was obviously an afterthought. The result was boring enough to bring a grown man to sobs and as about as funny as a tour of a slaughterhouse.

I started to think of any legal theories that might compensate me form my tragic loss. I could sue for loss of brain cells but no reasonable jury would believe I had them in the first place. Not being one to view an experience as completely useless, here are 3 things I learned.

1. In acting, having a foreign accent is a full-time job. Part-time accents simply don't work.

2. Flashing colored lights in the wrong combination can cause seizures. I must admit I wanted the distraction. Maybe having a seizure is kind of like hypnotism?

3. Broadway musicals are not targeted toward me or any other normal male. This was patently obvious from the amount of fabric on the men's costumes versus the women's.

Would I ever go to another musical? The answer is no, not without a good reason. And that good reason would never be found in the performance itself. The good reason would probably be of the female persuasion. They have mysterious powers to get me to do things that are completely out of character.