I don't think anyone should panic but the alien attack is under way. That's right the first attack was against a small Peruvian village. What does this mean? Well, it could mean that they think that llamas are the dominant species on the planet. Or more probably, they think that that Peruvian pan flute music played on a street corner in every large American city is the source of our power as humans. Whichever explanation is correct, I think we can win this war. To that end, I have a plan. Before I get to my plan, there are a few things we have learned about aliens from our collective experience (movies). Click on the numbers to find the source of our understanding:
1. If they get separated from the others, they can be both vulnerable and cute. A lone alien will look for any way to communicate or "phone home".
2. Yodeling kills them. Luckily, Slim Whitman is still alive.
3. Water burns them. Why they came to a planet where 70% of the surface will melt their skin is beyond me.
4. Cotton candy is not what you think.
5. Their landing site will be the Devil's Tower in Wyoming. There will be a Frenchman busy making preparations to surrender.
So here is the plan:
The key is to let them first meet the Frenchman upon arrival. That alone might convince them to turn back. If not and the French are paradoxically successful at surrendering, then it will lull them into a false sense of security.
Once they feel they have come, seen, and conquered, we will gather them in for a star-studded event to benefit awareness. Just after Kanye West and Hilary Duff finish their big duet, out come the Yodelers! We'll use both American and Bavarian yodelers because we just don't know which one is more effective. Just as they start to yodel, we also open up the fire hoses.
If we do it right and hype the great gift bags, their entire leadership should be at this event and we will cut off the head of the beast in one fell swoop. Those who are left will be easily dispatched with a splash of water, a beating with a baseball bat, and a killer rendition of Indian Love Call.
Sadly, we won't be able to get rid of them all. If you do encounter one lost and alone. He will probably charm you with his glowing finger. If you fall under his spell and you help him communicate with the others, make sure you sign him up with T-Mobile. He probably won't get a signal no matter where he is and if he does the call will probably be dropped before he can communicate any useful information.
Yep, I'm pretty sure it will work. Especially the water part...or does water just make them multiply?
Here is Plan B:
3 comments:
Dusty, I have no idea what this post means, but I really enjoyed reading it :)
Believe it or not, early drafts did contain small portions of meaning. They were edited out for stylistic reasons.
Plan B is too eerily realistic. That clip was so poignant. Then again, maybe the video made it eerily realistic.
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