Tuesdays

Tuesdays are historically bad days. The Stock Market crashed on Tuesday, October 29, 1929. The Twin Towers fell on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. And, although I may be premature in saying this... on Tuesday, February 5, 2008, the Republican Party left me.

After the first vote in the West Virginia caucus, Romney was just short of the majority he needed to take the delegates. Realizing what was happening, all McCain's supporters departed en mass and settled in Huckabee's camp. This sort of thing does not happen without some sort of deal. I don't know what kind of deal it is, but it stinks like...well a West Virginia hog farm.

Now, the Republican front-runner by a wide margin is John McCain. As Peggy Noonan, Reagan's speech writer and biographer, puts it: McCain is the Moe Greene of the Republican Party. Ms. Noonan had a pretty good analysis of the situation even before today:

But Mr. Huckabee seems very happy running, and perhaps happy thinking of his future as the Mitt slayer in the party of John.

Mr. McCain seems to me to have two immediate problems, both of which he might address. One is that he doesn't seem to much like conservatives, and never has. They can't help admire him, but they've disagreed with him on so many issues, and when they bring this up his demeanor tends to morph into the second problem: He radiates, he telegraphs, a certain indignation at being questioned by people who've never had to vote in Congress and make a deal. He's like Moe Greene in "The Godfather," when Michael Corleone tells him he's going to buy him out. "Do you know who I am? I'm Moe Greene. I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders." I've been on the firing line, punk. I am the voice of surviving conservatism.

This doesn't always go over so well. Mr. Giuliani seems to know Mr. McCain is Moe Greene. Mr. Huckabee probably thought "The Godfather" was kinda violent. Mr. Romney may be thinking to himself, But Michael Corleone won in the end, and had better suits.

Wall Street Journal, February 1, 2008

Let's hope Michael...I mean Mitt...wins again. Otherwise, I will reregister as Libertarian.

BEST COMMERCIAL EVER!!!

There is no competition. This is the best commercial ever produced by the hand of man. And since God no longer produces commercials, the best ever! I love the concept.



I love the company. I love the car.

Incidentally, the Audi R8 featured in the commercial is named after one of the most successful race cars of all time. It was such a great car that I had to travel to Monterey to see the last race of its last full season of competition in the ALMS. Here are some photos of the race car. And yes...I am fully aware that no one else cares.


Driven by the great Tom Christensen


Driven by the always exciting JJ Lehto


Driven by Johnny Herbert

Vocational Training

A vocation in the classical sense is more than simply a career or a job. It was an occupation that a person adopted, not for money, but because they seemed to be called to it by a higher being. The term was often applied to those who entered the priesthood. It now seems to be used as an euphemism for blue collar jobs that only require manual skill but little formal education.

Irrespective of the modern usage, vocations still exist. The difficult part is finding one. The rather wormy Chairman of Apple, Steve Jobs, said that you should find a job that you love. This is very clearly crap. There are some people who have such a horrid disposition that they cannot be happy no matter what they spend their time doing. There are others who have the constitution of a park avenue debutante and will go to pieces over the slightest frustration. On the other hand, there are also those who are irrepressibly happy with even the most mundane occupations.

Then there are the rest of us. The people who have varying interests and tolerances. We have to find a vocation that is not just what we "love", we also need to find something we are reasonably competent at. Lets face it, we all love to do things that starkly demonstrate our incompetence. For instance: Dancing and I do not get along. It always causes me a tremendous amount of embarrassment. (Some of you may have recently witnessed this and I sincerely apologize for any mental or emotional scarring it caused.)

So we need to find a vocation that we both love and possess an aptitude for. Rarely do we love what we are skilled at. And even more rarely are we adept at what we love. At this point, a person can go in one of two directions: compromise or sacrifice. You can compromise and do something that you don't love so much, but can achieve competence easily. Or, you can stubbornly hold onto your dream and work until you achieve competence at what you love. Make no mistake; this may require sacrifice of all else you hold dear.

So how do we go about finding our own way? I have no idea. While I have a personal disdain for Mr. Jobs, he does make a good point in the aforelinked speech: you don't really know the path to your calling in life until you've already taken it. What a terribly useless paradox to not know where you are going until you are already there?

Now for the moral of the story, this week someone asked me if I like what I do. Even after committing a great deal of time (3 years) and money (don't ask) toward qualifying for the job, I was surprised to say "I like what I do." Being a lawyer seems to combine my personality, my pass-times, and even my personality defects into a vocation where I not only possess reasonable skill, but that I also enjoy. I never really imagined myself liking what I do to earn a living. Although I still have my reservations, and don't really know what I will do for the remainder of my productive life, I enjoy my job.

EUREKA!

I generally consider myself a hygienic person. Some consider me overly hygienic. That doesn't make sense to me. How can you be too clean? Anyway, while I have impeccable bathing habits, I have long had one weakness in this area: Flossing!

I hate flossing. Despite my loud mouth, I have a dilly of a time maneuvering around in there to get the floss where I need it. It is also one of those activities that doesn't seem like it will last. Mark my words: If we are still using floss to clean between our teeth in 20 years, we have failed to evolve as a species and are doomed to destruction. There must be a better way.

But since I am not the person to invent a better way, I have to do my best to follow the dentists orders. After years of trying, and failing, to simply force myself to floss, I have finally found a way to do it. My method: Consolidation!

About 3 months ago, I started brushing my teeth in the shower. I don't know why, I just did it. But I noticed something about a week ago: When I brush in the shower, I brush longer. This got me thinking. Could there be other positive externalities when I do things in the shower? So I put the package of floss next to the shower and started using it. And, although it is a it harder to do it without a mirror, it has been a week straight of consistent use.

Could consolidating other activities with showering be a way to do things I normally neglect? I just may be onto something. Now I just need to find a way to use the shower to conquer my terrible habit of skipping breakfast.

P.S. I'm back. In the coming days look for posts about Baja, fear, loathing, failure, intelligence (or lack thereof), and if you are lucky, a diatribe on my disdain for NASCAR.

How dare you!?

Someone, you know who you are, recently suggested I should read the famous How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I must admit, I was mildly insulted. After my initial fury subsided, I understood that the person was just trying to help, albeit in a patronizing fashion. So now I must return the favor. I acquired my immense charm through various means. None of the means involved reading a book or attending a Tony Robbins seminar. I largely learned it by observing the behavior of others and not doing what I consider rude, insulting or generally intolerable. Except, of course in this small zone of my personality. Also, in my 27 years on this earth, I have been treated by quite a few people. Some have treated me well; others have treated me poorly. Now, here is the trick: don't treat people how you don't want to be treated. Or conversely, treat others how you'd like to be treated. I know that this is a revolutionary idea but bear with me.

Let's say that your friend needs a ride and asks you for the favor. I know what you are thinking, "I've never needed a ride so how could I possibly know how I would want to be treated." I have a solution: Imagine that one day you do need a ride. Imagine yourself asking someone for ride. Finally ask, "Would I want someone to do me a favor, or not?" Now, give other people the answer you would like. I have no idea where I get this stuff. (Matthew 7:12)

Let's face it, life is full of complex problems that cannot be solved by applying general principles taught by a higher authority. Only by reading books directly on point can you become a better person. Here is an example:

Victory!!!

With his win in the Grand Prix of Brazil, Ferrari driver Kimi Raikkonen has won the Formula 1 Championship. The man once described by Red Bull driver David Coulthard as "dead from the feet up as far as personality" is the World Driving Championship. I am so excited that I cannot sufficiently express it. So let me just tell you how it happened.

Coming into the race, there were three drivers who had a mathematical shot at the title: Lewis Hamilton (Team McLaren Mercedes), Fernando Alonso (also Team McLaren Mercedes), and Kimi Raikkonen (Ferrari). Hamilton was is the lead and it was basically his championship to lose. He basically had to finish 5th or better and it was his. When you are in a McLaren Mercedes, you have no excuses. It and the Ferrari are far and away better than any other car. Fernando and Kimi were basically in the position that they had to win no matter what if their hopes were to be kept alive.

At the start of the race, Felipe Massa in the other Ferrari made sure that he gave his team mate Raikkonen the advantage. By the first turn it was Ferrari 1-2. This was the way the rest of the race went. Raikkonen got by Massa on the second pit stop to take the victory. Fernando (pictured below on the right) did his best but could not match the Ferraris' pace.


As I said, it was Hamilton's race to lose and lose it he did. Here he is being consoled by McLaren team principal Ron Dennis.
Right from the start Hamilton fought others where he didn't have to and ran off the track a couple of times. Then Hamilton suddenly he started to slow. I felt elation as an apparent clutch problem put him back to 18th. He fiddled with the electronics and eventually got it going again. He drove well and fought back hard but finished in 7th handing Raikkonen the championship.

It has been an amazing Formula 1 season: a down to the wire championship fight between 3 of the worlds' greatest drivers, a spying scandal that ended up in a $100 million fine against McLaren, and the dream season for the new Super Aguri team or as they are informally known, Super Best Friends.

While I was unable to jet down to Brazil for the weekend, I did go to the American Le Mans Series race in Monterey. It was incredibly exciting and the driving team of Allan McNish and Rinaldo (Dindo) Capello won the race. Even through 4 hours of racing the Audi R10 Diesel beat the Porsche RS Spyder driven by Romain Dumas and Timo Bernhard by a margin of .41 seconds.


Here is a small video I shot with my digital camera. Here, Dumas is chasing Capello as the sun gets low in the sky.

Conversating

I make up words. That's just the kind of person I am. If I cannot find a word within my limited vocabulary to convey a thought or feeling, I create one. Now, I completely understand that making up a word doesn't help others to understand. In fact, it's probably more confusing to use a word they have never heard. I do not claim to be easily understood. Anyway, I made up a word the other night and I thought I would share it with you. There are five people who were privy to the creation of a highly fevered mind.

Conversating
"kän-v&r-'sA-ti[ng]
verb
To engage in a verbal contest in which the participants are neither edified nor entertained. This act is commonly the first and last interaction between two or more people. In rare instances, it can be done as a sort of game.

Converstating requires at least two parties, one of which is within the range of what most would call "normal." The other participant is a person utterly devoid of tact or social grace. This terrible condition is sometimes the result of a terrible trauma or, more commonly, being raised by wolves. This person is the sort that almost no one wants to be around. Those who choose to be around them possess a rare skill to look beyond extreme annoyance and see a real human being.

A person interacting with another who is conversating finds the experience confusing, uncomfortable, and tiresome. Some people do this as a game: half fun, half effort to mark your social territory. The entire point of coversating is to force your opponent into silence. This may be accomplished by intimidation, fear, frustration, shock, or pure unadulterated idiocy. You win when your opponent sits slack-jawed without any idea how to respond to the last comment. That silencing comment is referred to as a snam or, in Great Britain, a clagger.

There are many types of conversating. Here is one example:


Here is rare variant. I would call this reverse conversating. The obnoxious one ends up being speechless and annoyed:


Now, conversating is not an argument or a debate. An argument has a purpose to the contention. Two sides engage in an effort to convince one another. Conversating has no such point. You do it just to win, just to silence the over and demonstrate dominance. Conversating is a highly passive-aggressive activity.

I mentioned debates. Here is a particular interesting one. If I were in this situation, I would be making up words left and right:

They're here, and I have a plan

I don't think anyone should panic but the alien attack is under way. That's right the first attack was against a small Peruvian village. What does this mean? Well, it could mean that they think that llamas are the dominant species on the planet. Or more probably, they think that that Peruvian pan flute music played on a street corner in every large American city is the source of our power as humans. Whichever explanation is correct, I think we can win this war.

To that end, I have a plan. Before I get to my plan, there are a few things we have learned about aliens from our collective experience (movies). Click on the numbers to find the source of our understanding:

1. If they get separated from the others, they can be both vulnerable and cute. A lone alien will look for any way to communicate or "phone home".

2. Yodeling kills them. Luckily, Slim Whitman is still alive.

3. Water burns them. Why they came to a planet where 70% of the surface will melt their skin is beyond me.

4. Cotton candy is not what you think.

5. Their landing site will be the Devil's Tower in Wyoming. There will be a Frenchman busy making preparations to surrender.

So here is the plan:
The key is to let them first meet the Frenchman upon arrival. That alone might convince them to turn back. If not and the French are paradoxically successful at surrendering, then it will lull them into a false sense of security.

Once they feel they have come, seen, and conquered, we will gather them in for a star-studded event to benefit awareness. Just after Kanye West and Hilary Duff finish their big duet, out come the Yodelers! We'll use both American and Bavarian yodelers because we just don't know which one is more effective. Just as they start to yodel, we also open up the fire hoses.

If we do it right and hype the great gift bags, their entire leadership should be at this event and we will cut off the head of the beast in one fell swoop. Those who are left will be easily dispatched with a splash of water, a beating with a baseball bat, and a killer rendition of Indian Love Call.

Sadly, we won't be able to get rid of them all. If you do encounter one lost and alone. He will probably charm you with his glowing finger. If you fall under his spell and you help him communicate with the others, make sure you sign him up with T-Mobile. He probably won't get a signal no matter where he is and if he does the call will probably be dropped before he can communicate any useful information.

Yep, I'm pretty sure it will work. Especially the water part...or does water just make them multiply?

Here is Plan B:

I had a dream

It is a rare occurrence for me to remember a dream. So when I do remember, I find it strange. Stranger still is the content of my remembered dreams. So here is a window into my unconscious mind:

I leave the house and walk out to a car waiting in the driveway. I get in the rear seat and see to my great surprise that it is being driven by my friend's little brother. This was a shock because it was not the current 18 year old version, but a 6 year old! I was speechless and he began to drive away. He started crashing into anything that dared to place itself in front of the car. He hit everything but a deer and a home run. I mustered the courage and said: "Should you be driving." He replied: "Yes, of course." I responded: "Oh...OK." I sat back in my seat and allowed the lad to continue blazing his path of destruction.

I personally think that dreams CAN have meaning but usually don't. This one hits close to home for me. I don't know why but I think this one might mean something. Does anyone have any idea what this could mean? I need help. Whether you know me or not, use the comments section to share your thoughts.

Rummy

Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and I must be kindred spirits. On February 12, 2004, he said:

Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - - the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones.

People often make fun of this quote but it's brilliant. It makes perfect sense to me. Love him or hate him, Rummy sums up the scope of human knowledge in a succinct, if somewhat poorly organized paragraph. Allow me to break it down for you.

"Known knowns"- As he says, these are things we know that we know. We know that we know our bank balance. If you find that you have no known knowns in your life simply stand with your mouth very close to the mirror. If after a few seconds the mirror fogs, then you have your first known known. Congratulations!

"Known unkowns"- There are certain things we know that we don't know. For instance, I know that I don't know who will win the Superbowl, but I know someone will win it. Or, for those of you who log on to TMZ hourly, we know that two of the stars of The Hills will engage in an old-fashioned duel, we just don't know when, which ones, or what weapons they will choose.

"Unknown unknowns"- It is an infinite universe and there are an infinite number of things to know. With people making decisions constantly, there are new things to know all the time. Lets face it, there is a lot going on that we don't know about. Just think about the things that exist that we don't know anything about. Actually this one is impossible to explain because unknown unkowns are themselves unknown. All I can say is that if, for some reason, you do not believe that there are unknown unknowns then there are two rather troubling possibilities. First, you may be experiencing a severe case of the Dunning-Kruger Effect. Or, even more disturbing, you may actually comprehend the whole of the known and unknown universe. If the breadth and depth of human knowledge and understanding is encapsulated in your brain, we are in a whole lot of trouble.

That's enough serious talk. Don Rumsfeld was one of the most colorful cabinet officicers in the Bush Administration. (Some of you have may think that present Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne is the most colorful, but I respectfully disagree.) Rummy was an animated fellow and always had a quick retort. Below you will find a montage to his facial expressions and gestures.


In one of the most awkward moments in television history, CBS news anchor Dan Rather accused Rumsfeld of stealing Christmas. After assuring his grandchildren that he would never do such a thing, Rummy turned to the newsman and said: "Rather, if you don't take that back, my knuckles will be the last thing you see for a week."



One reporter asked whether the military was still performing experiments with "Remote Viewing" or ESP. Rumsfeld said, "Yes." The whole room, believing it was a joke, erupted in laughter. Rummy showed them he was serious by correctly predicting that Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Lindsay Lohan would all serve jail time in 2007.



"Take a left at the Arby's and go 3 blocks. On the northeast corner are the best chicken and waffles in northern Virginia."



While speaking at the Council on Foreign Relations, Rummy answered those who criticize his lack of diplomacy by successfully persuading North Koreans and Japanese to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" together. Here he is assigning to the the first verse to the people that are universally recognized as the most difficult nationality to persuade to sing, the Swiss.



A little known fact, perhaps not known at all, is that Rummy was quite the matchmaker. Here he interrupted a question about Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani to suggest that a young reporter from the Boston Globe, Fiona O'Leary, and CNBC producer Mike Stein would make a lovely couple. Despite never having met before this unsolicited piece of advice, the two were married 4 months later at Rumsfeld's New Mexico ranch.



Here he is instructing a senate committee on what makes primates different from most other mammals. His knowledge of evolutionary biology is unparalleled.